Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
smell my finger.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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