i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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