cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
