"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
