Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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