brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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