I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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