So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He shit in the fireplace
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
