all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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