Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Your dad touched me again.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
