Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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