hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
