Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We need to get me chipped asap
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
