I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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