I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
