I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
