Im at strip club and am horny
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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