I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my being single is dangerous.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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