OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
