WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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