i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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