We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
