cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's always time for handjobs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
