If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
