Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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