Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
