remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
