you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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