i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
