Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
