My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would ride that face into the sunset
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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