he told me I talked like a deaf person
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
