I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
