im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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