I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
