I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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