i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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