Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
