Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
