TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
