I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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