On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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