I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
