he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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