i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
