Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
