I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
