Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
