i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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