Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
another moral hangover. fuck.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
