If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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