Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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