Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
