the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
