omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
