ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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