How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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