Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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